I Go to My Heart

Soon after we moved back home to New Mexico from Michigan in the summer of 2022, I began a daily practice inspired by Padraig O’Tuama’s anthology Poetry Unbound, 50 Poems to Open Your World (from the On Being Project and its accompanying seasonal podcast, both worth exploring.) Taking the title seriously, I read a poem every morning, exploring new worlds and fresh perspectives. With each, I would intentionally look for a line that resonated with me at that moment. In addition to being taken by a newly discovered poem and poet enriched by Padraig’s commentary, I would sit with the found line, journal, and slowly unearth more of my world and stories within it.

This practice helped me get through some dark days that first year as I found myself confused by difficulty; returning to my heart home brought new waves of grief for my late husband, uncertainty for my career and financial stability, and worry for my displaced child leaving the only home she knew and coming to a rather unfamiliar one. I began to alternate this practice with long Santa Fe walks, buoyed by beauty everywhere I looked. I found the land and the stories working together, settling and healing me, as I revisited the unique New Mexico reasons I came home: the perspective-gaining views, the hope-filled sky, and the ground that never shakes. I realized I was transforming—in a very special place.

Since settling in with our house, jobs, and school, and with friends and community emerging, the practice waned, but the stories are still reverberating, looking for an outlet. This site will be a first attempt, to weave my stories with insights on grief and I hope it will speak to others as much as it helps me—to revisit my heart, this land, and the beauty in both. Thank you for visiting, for your feedback, and for your love. ~ Gillian